Forgive Myself?

      I am a huge nerd when it comes to Beth Moore Bible studies.  I can't get enough.  When a new one comes out, I'm online ordering it.  If there isn't a new one, I'm begging a friend to do one with me that I've already done.  I know she isn't the only person out there who does bible studies.  I have done some really awesome ones not authored by Beth.  I'm just saying, the way she words things, the way she speaks, speaks to me.  In a recent study, on the margin of the page, "Sometimes it takes more faith to feel forgiven than it does to feel healed.", is written.  Big huge bell ringing in my ears!

      I have been down this road more times than I care to admit.  Why is it so hard to believe that I am forgiven?  I repented (repent all the time, more like it).  I asked Him to forgive me in so many different ways (He has got to have a sense of humor).  He says if we do those two things He'll forgive.  OK, so what is my problem?  Ephesians 1:7  In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace. 

      I used to find it difficult to forgive others, and so easy to forgive myself.  As I have drawn closer and closer to God, that ability has done a 180.  I now have an a smidgeon of an idea of the miracle of forgiveness.  John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.  Would I give one of my daughters for someone else?  Honestly? No.  If it came down to that I would grab her and run away and hide.  But to know that the only way to save your creation that you love so much is to make your son die for it?  Can any other parent out there grasp that with me?  That is why I think I have trouble accepting the forgiveness and then in turn forgiving myself.  I am SO NOT WORTHY. 

      He loves me, and has called me righteous.  Who am I to argue with God? 

      Thank You Jesus!