Forgive Myself?

      I am a huge nerd when it comes to Beth Moore Bible studies.  I can't get enough.  When a new one comes out, I'm online ordering it.  If there isn't a new one, I'm begging a friend to do one with me that I've already done.  I know she isn't the only person out there who does bible studies.  I have done some really awesome ones not authored by Beth.  I'm just saying, the way she words things, the way she speaks, speaks to me.  In a recent study, on the margin of the page, "Sometimes it takes more faith to feel forgiven than it does to feel healed.", is written.  Big huge bell ringing in my ears!

      I have been down this road more times than I care to admit.  Why is it so hard to believe that I am forgiven?  I repented (repent all the time, more like it).  I asked Him to forgive me in so many different ways (He has got to have a sense of humor).  He says if we do those two things He'll forgive.  OK, so what is my problem?  Ephesians 1:7  In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace. 

      I used to find it difficult to forgive others, and so easy to forgive myself.  As I have drawn closer and closer to God, that ability has done a 180.  I now have an a smidgeon of an idea of the miracle of forgiveness.  John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten son, that whosoever believes in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.  Would I give one of my daughters for someone else?  Honestly? No.  If it came down to that I would grab her and run away and hide.  But to know that the only way to save your creation that you love so much is to make your son die for it?  Can any other parent out there grasp that with me?  That is why I think I have trouble accepting the forgiveness and then in turn forgiving myself.  I am SO NOT WORTHY. 

      He loves me, and has called me righteous.  Who am I to argue with God? 

      Thank You Jesus!

Am I Making Disciples?

      Matthew 28:19, 20  "Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age."

      Okay, so do I love people?  Yes.  Do I accept them unconditionally?  Honestly, I'm working on that. ( I struggle with certain things that unfortunately have to do with my nose not lifestyles.This is bad, I know. Lord help me not be bothered by bad breath and body odor.)  Do I want people to know the loving God that I know?  Yes.  So what is stopping me?

      Time for all out honesty here.  I am afraid that if I say something, people will one, not like me anymore, (that's to say if they did anyway).  Two, what if I offend them?  Three, what if they like to argue and are better at presenting their reasons to not know Jesus than I am at presenting the ones why I do?

      Alright, so I have read books on getting over insecurity.  I know God has called me to minister to women.  I even know that the biggest part of that ministry is to share the Good News.  The very reason I am forgiven and covered with grace and mercy.  I know that He will give me the words, I have scriptures written and listed everywhere, I am committing them to memory so I have them ready, but still I remain quiet with the people who don't believe.  It is a whole different story when I am speaking with someone who already believes in Jesus and has Him in their heart.  I can talk all day to those people.

      I could blame it on the rules of society.  Let us all be politically correct and not offend anyone.  It isn't professional, etc.  Blah Blah Blah!  I'm just going to say it.  I AM A CHICKEN!  Jesus came to heal the sick, not the ones who are already healed.  He told parables about and talked with the very people He knew would tick off the people in authority. 

      My pastor asked a question this past Sunday that hit me right in the middle of the forehead.  Are we (am I) making disciples?  My answer?  No, I'm not.  I have been trying to build up the ones who know but need encouragement.  Now, that isn't wrong.  We all need encouragement and prayer from our fellow believers and friends.  At times that is what gets me through, knowing that someone is agreeing with me, however, there are still people who don't know they can have someone to rely on at all times, even when they feel that no human could understand. 

      So Pastor, here is my answer to your question.  No I am not making disciples...YET!  I am asking God at this very moment to prick my heart and I am asking His Spirit within me to push my boundaries down and to not let me rest until I share the good news.  I am asking Him to point people out to me who need Him. 

      Who's with me?

Faithful Steward?

      I know we aren't supposed to test God.  You know like, if You just get me out of this mess, I'll never do this again, or, okay God, if You really are who You say you are, then do this...

     Alright, then I got confused.  Malachi 3:10 says, Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, so that there may be food in My house, and TEST Me (infasis mine) now in this, says the Lord of hosts, if I will not open for you the windows of heaven, and poor out for you a blessing until it overflows.  Here is my take on it.  I was at a point in my life of desperation.  I really felt like I didn't have enough money to make my bills, let alone give 10% of it to the church I attended.  I felt so desperate, I tried it.  Not only did all my bills get met, I was able to get into a work place where I built a considerable clientele and I was making more money than I ever had. 

      Here I go asking for forgiveness again.  I quit doing it.  I am now married and money isn't tight.  We are blessed in so many ways, however, this past Sunday I came across this verse and I got a sinking feeling in my chest.  I no longer want to test God.  I just want to bless Him.  I want Him to be able to bless others through the church I now attend.  I can't say I tested Him before as much as I was desperate and willing to try anything.  Now I feel that tithing is more a part of who I want to be in Christ. 

      Please understand, I am not trying to condemn or preach at anyone.  This is my experience.  This is my conviction.  However, I know that when I was in God's financial plan, finances were not a problem.  He is the creator of all things, including money, why would I ever think that I could do a better ob of controlling it than the one who gave it? 

Independance Day

      Happy 4th of July!  I just want to take a little time to say how thankful I am to live in the USA.  Even with all the political junk on the forefront, we are a blessed nation.  There are so many people who have fought to uphold that freedom over the years.  If you get to spend time with any of them today, make sure you say thank you. 

       From a biblical point of view, what is freedom?  Isaiah 61:1 The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, Because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the afflicted; He has sent me to bind up the broken hearted, to proclaim liberty to captives, and freedom to prisoners...Romans 8:21 that the creation itself also will be set free from its slavery to corruption into the freedom of the glory of the children of God.  Galatians 5:13 For you were called to freedom brethren; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.

       The use of the word freedom, drawn from the Greek/Hebrew translation, isn't just freedom from the mosaic law, but from the dominion of sinful appetites and passions, also from a state of calamity and death.  It stood for being a citizen, and in those days, only a free man, meaning someone without debt, could be one.  So not only are we free from sin and death, but we are citizens of the Kingdom of God.  Are you getting that?  Only free men can be citizens and Jesus paid for our citizenship.  A debt I could never pay, ever, has been paid and I am going to eternity with my Jesus.  Not only that, I get to tell others about it.  I get to be a christian, which is to be Christ like.  What did Christ do?  He served.  He got dirty.  There is a song that makes me think of this.  If you get a chance, listen to Trevor Morgan's "Jesus Rides the Subway".  Hallelujah!

      Comparatively, we live in a nation where our freedoms were fought for by others and we get to reep the benifits.  Jesus, fought for our freedom, and we get to live in the benifits.  Thank You Jesus.  Do you want to make this your Independence Day ?  John 3:16 For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.  Now that is freedom.

Job Description

      Have any of you ever come to conclusion about something in your life that you wish you could have figured out a long time ago?  I do it all the time.  For example, I have been a hair dresser since 1991.  During my career, I have tried on a lot of hats so to speak.  I started out as an assistant.  I then received my own chair and started to build a clientele.  I moved into management positions, and even into ownership.  I taught within my field, and finally, after twenty years, discovered why renting space in someone else's salon is the perfect fit for me.  I don't like being told what to do, (what to wear, when to show up, when to eat etc.) nor do I want to tell others what to do.  I want to go to work, service my clients, and leave to go home.  I want weekends with my family and friends.  It pains me to think that all the moving from salon to salon trying to find the perfect fit could have been a one stop shop.  I finally figured it out. 

      However, I have been a christian since 1980, and I still try to figure out what God wants me to do.  Its in His word.  I don't have to hop from church to church to find it.   I don't have to let people who are just like me, imperfect, determine where my walk takes me.  Matthew 28:19  Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit...  That's it.  There's my job.  I know He tweaks us and guides us all in different directions to reach different nations, and even parts of nations.  He can even direct us toward one gender over another.  The great thing is, I didn't have to do much work to find my job description.  He handed it to me already written down. 

      Thank you Jesus.  I love you too.

Have Never Been Eloquent

Exodus 4:10-12
Moses said to the Lord, "O Lord, I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant.  I am slow of speech and tongue."  The Lord said to him, "Who gave man his mouth? Who makes him deaf or mute?  Who gives him sight or makes him blind?  Is it not I, the Lord?  Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say."

      Thank goodness for that.  Coming from someone with a lisp who has been called to talk to people.  That makes me feel so much better.  I have all these ideas in my head, that when they come out on paper or from my mouth, they never sound right.  I thank Him that He will give me the words.  He will tell me what to say and when to say it. 

      I wonder how much better we would all be doing if we really sought His wisdom in situations where a good "talk" needs to be had.  I know in my past, present and ( I'm sure ) my future, there have been and will be times when I will say what ever comes to my head.  There seems to be an express route from thought to verbalization in my body.  However, I am trying to seek God first before I go and become a vocal waterfall of unnecessary opinion.  I'll pray for you, so please pray for me. 

Jesus is Jesus

Ephesians 4:1-7
      As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.  Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.  Make ever effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.  There is one body and one Spirit- just as you were called to one hope when you were called- one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all.  But to EACH ONE OF US grace has been given as Christ apportioned it.

      I had to ask for forgiveness AGAIN.  I let myself get upset by the actions of someone else, and instead of praying and asking God to show me what to do, in my head (and heart), I took the exact action as the offender.  Have you ever done that?  I think I do it on a regular basis.  I was instantly upset and hurt at someone, and I mirrored the action.  Though silently, and to myself, I still did it.  When will we realize that Jesus is Jesus and He doesn't care how we worship Him, as long as we do.  There is no right or wrong way to do it.  There are no rules.  As long as we are worshipping only Him and it is from our heart, He doesn't care.  He just wants us.  All of us. 

      So I ask God and anyone who reads this to forgive me for falling short once again.  I pray right now that the unity in spirit and our churches will grow.  I pray that we can all put aside our differences and focus on the issues at hand, reaching the lost for Christ, and showing His love to everyone, not just the people who are like us. 

    

Provided

      We have all gone on trips, whether short or small.  I like the ones that have a brochure that tell me what is provided, however, most of my trips don't have that and we have to prepare.  Some make lists, some just pack everything so that they forget nothing, some wing it and get what they need when they get there.  I am a list maker.  At some point, before most long trips, you'll find a list with items crossed out and some not.  The ones crossed out are the things I have packed or decided not to pack.  The ones still visible are needed right up until departure day and are put in the bag as I use them to get ready to go. 

      It never fails though.  I get to my destination, and I have forgotten something, and I have to go get it.  Its ridiculous.  I was reminded by a friend today that we are to be anxious about nothing and we not to worry about anything we need. 

      Jesus states in Mathew 6:25, 33-34, Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.  Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?...But seek first His righteousness, and all these tings will be given to you as well.  Therefore, do no worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own.

      Philippians 4:6  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

      These words are a song to my heart.  They sing a melody.  Everything I NEED is PROVIDED.  He also wants us to present our prayers and requests to Him.  The things we want.  He still wants us to ask for them.  He knows best and may not give me what I want, but He has my back in all things.  I will never be without the things that I need.  It is sometimes difficult for me to remember this.  I'm working on it.

It is Well

      Have you ever had conversations with yourself?  I admit I do it all the time.  It sometimes goes like this,  If "this" happens, then I will say "this", and then I'll say "this" and this will happen, and then "this" will be the result, so then I'll say "this"... get the picture? 

      Here lately it has been like this all the time.  Telling myself to quit worrying and to trust God in all things then its immediately back to, "I need to try harder and if I do "this then maybe I can do that, blah blah blah.  Then I turn it into a discussion prayer with God like, " I do want Your will in my life.  I know it is better than anything I could ever want for myself, but You also said its okay to ask You for the desires of my heart."

      My question is, where is the fine line between being happy with what God has already provided, ( and I am thankful) and not feeling bad for asking for something else?  It has been like a tight rope game in my head for two weeks. 

      Just now a song came into my head, and though there is no sorrow in my life or heart right now, there is a place of unsettled ick that I just can't describe.  So this is going to be my prayer and my thanks and my praise until I can get through it.  Here are the words.  Maybe some of you know the song.

      When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
      When sorrows like sea billows roll;
      Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
      It is well, It is well with my soul

      And Lord, haste the day, when my faith shall be sight,
      The clouds be rolled back as a scroll,
      The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
      Even so, it is well with my soul

Have a blessed week.

Can I Wait?

      Do any of you have trouble waiting?  I'm just going to tell you I do and get it out there.  I am not good at it.  If there is something I want, I am so impatient.  Sometimes I pray and think I receive an answer and I run with it, only to find out that is is something that "I" wanted to be the answer but it isn't.  Right now is one of those times.  I have been praying for a certain thing in my life to take off, thinking that if I just had more time away from work, I could really make a go at it.  I have been praying that something would come along that I could make the same amount or more and not be in the work place as much.  There are several people around me that have jumped into this "thing", and it is going great for them.  I admit it, I am quickly losing my patience.  I am asking anyone who may read this to pray with me and for me that I can bow to Him and "wait".  I need to wait.  I think the answer may be in the waiting. 

      If any of you need me to pray for you, please let me know.  I will be happy to do it.  Isaiah 40:31...but they that wait for Jehovah shall renew their strength: they shall mount up with wings like eagles: they shall run, and not be weary: they shall walk and not faint.  On this rock I am trying to stand. 

Redemption

      It is a sunny April morning.  I am sitting at my computer looking out the window watching squirrels jump from the tree to the fence.  I am watching birds build nests and take care of the babies in them,  This time of year is always so wonderful to me.  Spring is when everything comes back to the green and living.  Its wonderful to watch.  The tulips pushing out of the ground and reaching for the sun.  It makes me think of my life. 

      As the fall season makes me think of all the bad things in my life that needed to die away, the spring makes me very aware of the grace given me in the redemption of my life.  I was talking to a friend at church this week, and it seems at times, I still lose sight of the fact that my life has been and will continue to be redeemed!  Redeemed means, bought back, won, freed from what distressed or harmed, freed from captivity, and even Miriam-Webster got it right with, FREED FROM CONSEQUENCES OF SIN.  I was talking to my friend about knowing that I have to deal with the consequences of my actions, and that even though I know I sinned and I know that I'm forgiven, there are still things in my life that I am dealing with that are directly correlated to the actions and decisions I made years ago.  He told me, " you know God can and will redeem all of that."

      Wow!  He is literally taking the ugly pictures I painted and turning them into His artwork.  Job 19:25a And as for me, I know that my redeemer lives...  Looking at my life, it is very apparent.  Even though I am dealing with things in my life that are hard, my God will take that and turn it into good.  My daughters love the Lord. Redemption.  I am being used by God in ways I never thought possible.  Redemption.  I have been blessed with a loving, supporting, husband.  Redemption.  The list goes on and on.  Thank God, I have been redeemed!

Does My Appearance Look Brighter?

      Have you ever walked into a room and looked around at the people in it?  In doing so, have you ever noticed a difference in the way some stand or sit?  Some may look you straight in the eye and smile.  Some may look up then quickly look back down.  Some may not look up at all.  In the past, I really didn't observe this.  Today, however, it seems to be the first thing I do.  I used to be that person who wouldn't look up at all.  I think there was something inside of me that said, "don't look at them, they'll figure you out."

      Are you afraid?  I know I was.  There was a time that I thought anyone could see my mistakes, almost as if they were written on my skin like nonfiction.  Like there were people standing around reading me, saying to each other, "look at chapter 3," or, "did you get to chapter 8 yet?"  I can giggle at that now.  I want people to read my autobiography.  You know what, I'll read it to you if you would like.  You might find it interesting.  Before, however, I was not about to let anyone know. 

      Let me tell you a little story.  There once was a woman who grew up thinking God was like a principal.  He had an office in heaven that you got sent to by parents, teachers, etc., when you had done something wrong.  She tried every day not to do anything wrong.  Every day, she failed.  She just knew that the number of check marks after her name on the big blackboard in heaven were going to send her right down to the pits of hell.  She walked around with her head down, her shoulders slouched, and made jokes about herself so that people would be too busy laughing to confront her sin.  One day, she got so tired, she cried out to God and asked Him why He was so mean.  He answered her.  You know what he said?  He said, "I love you.  You are forgiven, and I can't wait until you get here so I can spend more time with you."  Then He said, "While you're still there, why don't you read my book.  Its a good one.  It will help you understand me.  When you're done reading each day, why don't we sit awhile and talk about it."  The woman said, "Okay, sounds like a better plan than mine."  She read and read.  The more she read, the more she wanted to read, and the more she wanted to talk to God.  One day, she went into work.  Something strange started happening.  People were talking to her.  They were saying, You're glowing.  What is different about you.  There is a radiance about your face.  She ran to the mirror.  There was a smile there.

      Ecclesiastes 8:1
Who is like the wise man? Who knows the explanation of things?  WISDOM BRIGHTENS A MAN"S FACE and CHANGES ITS APPEARANCE. 

      I know the truth and my appearance has changed!  The face in the mirror is smiling because it knows that God is love and truth.  I know that he has forgiven me and the change in appearance is to get your attention so I can tell you all about it.

Its the Little Things That Seem Big

      I wanted to tell you all a story.  I work with a lot of women.  I have for the last twenty years in different salons all over the Dayton area.  Last week was a  time I was humbled by a story that one of my coworkers shared with me.  I will not be putting names here, but you know who you are.  I want you to know that seeing you blessed and without words blessed me more deeply than had this happened to me. 

      A friend of mine got off work and walked out to her car only to find a pretty bad scratch on her car door.  A dent and a scratch, and, you guessed it, not a soul in sight.  Now we all know how this goes.  We grumble, we may even cry a bit, and then come to the conclusion that it is only a car and worse things can happen.  (someone like me stays mad for longer than that)  Anyway, she went home and figured at some point, I'll get it fixed. 

      Three days later, (how cool, three days at Easter) there was a letter at the front desk for my friend.  Addressed to the owner of the little grey car at the salon.  This was all typed.  There was a letter inside wrapped around 102$.  The letter said, " I am sorry I scratched your car.  I don't make much money.  I went to the bank and this is all I had in my savings.  I hope it helps with the repairs." 

      My friend came over to my station and shared this with another friend of mine and myself.  We both just stood there.  All three of us with tears in our eyes.  My friend, the owner of the little grey car said, " its the two dollars that is getting me the most." 

      When I sit and dwell on my problems,  I am going to ask God to bring this story to my mind.  After three days we were all forgiven of all our sins and got the chance to start again.  To the person who sent the money to my friend.  She says its all cool!

Grace

      Grace.  What is it?  Merriam-Webster says that it is " unmerited divine assistance given humans for their regeneration or sanctification. A virtue coming from God, a special favor."  I just read a verse that thrilled me. John 1:17  For the law was given through Moses; (a man) grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. (Jesus)  I am so in love with the Lord.  I am so in love with His word.  This past Sunday was Easter.  As I was standing up as part of the worship team at church, I have to say, I could barely stand yet alone sing.  This "grace" I have been given, this "free to me" help along my road to sanctification was at the front of my mind.  I didn't have that definition then.  I just knew that once again I was praying that my pride wouldn't get in the way of who we were singing to.  Jesus died and rose again so that I might live forever with Him in heaven. 

      I have to admit, there are times I want nothing more than for my husband and children to stay around me even if it is only to watch a movie together.  I long for the time to sit and talk to them about their days or to hear what is on their minds.  I admit I have never once thought about being told by my dad that today you're going to get beaten and walk to your own hanging death so it will be easier for your children to spend time with you some day.  It is more like this, "you can't go to your friend's house today because I said so."  Actually, I probably make something up like, I need help cleaning the house, or your room is a mess.  I don't even tell them its me wanting to spend time them. 

      Lets remember that Jesus was God in a human body.  He was given free will like all of us.  He did not have to die for us.  He chose to.  He wanted to give us "unmerited divine assistance" so we can be sanctified.  He wants to spend time with us today, tomorrow and even wanted that time yesterday. 

      Acts 15:11  But I (emphasis mine) believe that I shall be saved through the grace of the Lord Jesus, in like manner as they.
     

Mercy!

      Job 14:16  For now Thou dost number my steps, Thou dost not observe my sin.  Wow, that's right, read it again.  He knows we are going to sin.  He knows we are going to make mistakes.  Yes, He would rather we stay on the path He made for us, so he made a way for us to always get out of our pits and grab onto Him again. 

      As I am sitting here this morning, I am listening to the songs we are singing for Easter Sunday.  What a better time to reflect on the many mercies I (we) have received so undeserved.  I look back at my life and think of all the people I have wronged.  I think of all the times I let my kids down by not just my words, but my actions.  I then think about the mercy Jesus extended.  Mercy, by definition is, compassion or forbearance shown especially to an offender or to one subject to one's power; also a blessing that is an act of divine favor or compassion (Merriam-Webster).  Did you read that?  Blessing as an act of DIVINE FAVOR.  Really, divine favor. 

      He found favor in me, even in my sin, and showed mercy.  Who does that but Jesus?  He went through the Crucifixion because of the divine favor.  His mercies were and are poured out because of that favor.  He loves me.  In the steps that He laid out for me, He forgave the ones I didn't take, changed the route on my GPS when I got lost, still leading me home. 

        I pray right now for all those who are lost.  For all those living in confusion, or even a place of just not being sure.  I am standing here today because of His divine favor.  He didn't just give it to me.  He gave it to all of us.  He created every person on this earth so He could show us divine favor.  It is our choice  to accept it. 

      Jeremiah 29:11 " For I know the plans I have for you," DECLARES the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

      He said it, do we believe it?  I do.

Ask Me How I Know

      Every morning I wake up, I make some coffee, and I look around the house to see if anything needs straightened up.  I then decide if sitting down at the computer and logging onto facebook is more important than dishes, or checking the bills, etc.  Now I know that the house is more important.  I have found that one other thing is even more so, and honestly, it seems to be the last thing I set my time aside to do.  Spending time in the word and getting to know my God is what I should be doing before everything.  Working out can wait.  Dishes can certainly wait.  Facebook would be better off  forgotten.  (All I do there anyway, is play these infernal games that cause addiction issues to exploding colored cubes and gems for points that don't get counted on any one's scoreboard but mine.)                                                                                          

      You want to ask me how I know this all to be true?  Good, I'm glad you do.  I felt a call on my life about six years ago.  I felt God literally whispering to my heart about all the hurting, heart broken, insecure women in the world.   That these women just might need to hear from a woman who felt all those things and then realized that God is her security and strength was a no brainer, but what God really meant, I'm sure, was that I was supposed to find that woman and help her get started in any way that I could.  I mean, I could offer to do paperwork or sing.  At the least, I could do her hair and makeup and get her ready to go out in front of people and do the thing God called her to do, right?  Ha!  Turns out He was talking to me.  So of course I jumped right in and said," Okay, lets do this."  Not!  I said, "God, I am not good enough."  I just kept thinking of my past and all the sin that was there.  I kept thinking about all things I had done or even the things that I hadn't.  Then the fact that I didn't know the Bible well enough to tell anyone else about it.  Shoot, all that underneath the fact that I had no idea how to even get started.  How in the world, with all the insecurities and doubts about myself, was I ever going to be able to point other women in the direction of healing?

      Well, guess what, turns out I had yet another thing to confess and get past.  My inability to not just believe God really forgave me, but that He wanted to use me as well, had to be given up.  (Hello control issues!)  Second Chronicles 7:14 says this, " If My people, who are called by My name, will humble themselves and pray, and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin and will heal their land."  That verse just hit me right between the eyes.  Who was I to think that God wouldn't or couldn't do what He said He would and could.  So humbled, I confessed and prayed that He would forgive me yet again,  I started to seek His face in Bible study, I said take my life and make it Yours and do with it what You want. 

      I believe that the hurting, broken hearted and insecure woman are a sickness over our land that God will hear from heaven and heal if we humble ourselves and repent and leave our sins.  I know that God has called me to show proof  that it can happen.  Look at me, this is HOW I KNOW!